Stages of Marriage

Susan Olthof, R..N., 46, nurse with Pine Rest's Home Health Care, and  Dick Olthof, 48, elementary school teacher, have been married 26 years. They have two children: Julie, 25, and Lisa, 22, and two grandchildren.  

Susan: Our marriage means just about everything to me. We started out as young kids, hopelessly in love and didn't think it'd get better than that, but it certainly has. 

We rely on each other for everything-making decisions, getting through crises. I've really done the most changing in our married life. I started out thinking I'd be a housewife forever. When our younger child went to kindergarten, I went to nursing school. This was a big change for Dick, too, and he  had to deal with something he didn't expect would happen. He's been gracious and supportive about my going to school and then going to work. 

One of the factors that I think has made our marriage healthy is we share a lot of the same values and goals. When we look at other marriages that aren't working, I wonder if perhaps they don't have the strong faith we have or don't see things the same way-both of which have gotten us through some times when it might have been a little rough. 

Our relationship has grown over the years and has changed and evolved. Now we go to the restaurant and order the same item without discussing it first. We know what the other one is thinking about other things, too. There's a real comfort level with each other. 

Dick:  When we got married, we had shared expectations, now we have shared experiences. When we were married, our backgrounds were alike enough to give us enough in common and dissimilar enough to keep things interesting. I  hunt and fish, and she reads and cooks. We enjoy movies and eating out together. We like to travel. We both like having a planned destination and an indeterminate itinerary-we like to take side trips. 

That's what you do in marriage, too, take side trips. I've had a steady employed career, but Susan went back to school and then to work. People thought that would intimidate me, but I think it's great. We both work with the public, so we can talk about what we do. There's enough similarity, but we're not rehashing the same stuff. 

I can't imagine not being married. We both are good sounding boards for each other. We're great support systems for each other. There are times we get mad, but we don't ever tell each other to take a hike. We're able to work out the differences we have. We both have great a sense of humor and believe when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. 

I can still remember the first time I saw her and met her-on a church mission project. There are times I can't believe it's been twenty-six years and there are other times I think it's been twice that long. If she wasn't here tomorrow, I don't know what I'd do.