Stages of Marriage

Margaret Staudt, R.N., 52, nurse with Pine Rest's older adult partial program, and John Staudt, 54, systems programmer, have been married five years. This is Margaret's second marriage and John's first. Margaret has four children from her first marriage: Cindy, 27, David, 25, Becky, 19, and Kathy, 16.  

Margaret:
I married when I was 21 and thought it was for life. My ex-husband wanted his freedom. For me, having been raised Catholic, I couldn't imagine it happening. No one in my family had ever divorced.  He left and wasn't involved in the family. It was a load, but it was much better for me and my kids to be in a peaceful one-parent household than an unhappy two-parent one. I felt bad that my kids didn't have a dad, and that my image of family-a two-parent home -wasn't there for them. 

Initially after the divorce, I wasn't interested in dating. I had enough of a support system from my faith, church, work, and family. When I met John, the kids were older and getting on with their own lives. The timing was good for both of us. He was looking seriously, and I was open. I always felt I had a lot of love inside me to give. I prayed I could find a way for that to fit in God's will and timing. 

My older kids said they wanted me to be happy. My youngest was 10 when I started dating John and she really liked him because he had a sailboat and we had fun together. My middle daughter, who was 13 and starting high school, had a hard time adjusting to sharing me and to sharing "our" home with this newcomer. 

It's wonderful for me to have someone who loves me and who I can love. Life's not perfect. When you get married, regardless of the age, you think, "this is going to be happily every after," and then reality sets in. One of our strongest points is that because we're mature, we talk things out when we're upset. 

When we chose to get married, we wanted it to be fun and good. We both have a real commitment, which maybe you don't have as much when you're real young. Another positive aspect is that we were independent. Although it's nicer together, we can still be our own person. 

John:
I was raised in a family in which my parents' relationship wasn't the best. I didn't want to get married. But I got to a point in my forties and thought, "This isn't as much fun as it used to be." I started looking around, and it took me quite a while to find the person I was looking for. I had an unconscious list of what I was looking for in a person. When it was right, I knew it. 

We spent three hours the first date just talking. Margaret is an interesting person. She'd raised her four children by herself. I was extremely impressed with her. She had a strong faith, and she let that be known at the beginning. After three months of dating, we both realized there was a lot more here than just companionship and having fun together. It just kept growing. 

She's been enriching my life ever since. Every time we've have difficulties-health, relationship, whatever-we've become stronger. I look forward to the years progressing as our love continues to get stronger and grow. It's continually evolving . I look to what we have today and what we had five years ago. It's totally different. It's always better. 

She also pulled me back into my faith. Now it's a big part of my life. I don't know if she realizes how much she has influenced me. Our relationship is constantly growing. She makes me very happy!